How I Am Today

Usually I'm pretty positive, at least I try to be and see the bright side of things. But it's really been hard for me to do that lately. I think that is why I have not written in so long. I feel like I don't have anything positive or encouraging to say ...oh great, I just totally sounded like K-Love! For those of you who know that station know what I mean, anyways...so yeah, I usually want to be uplifting overall, but I've been so self-focused lately and so down (just in the past couple of months) that I haven't had much to give or to pour out into any body's life (online or in person for that matter). But I really want to keep writing...though I don't know how often my page even gets looked at, but whatever, it's a good outlet for me. So, I've come to the place where I realize that I just need to be real about who I am and write about what is going on in life. Being real is definitely something I am not that good at. I really want to be better at it, and I don't want to be fake and pretend that life is great...so I am going to try.

We just moved to Hawaii 3 months ago, and much to my surprise it's been really hard, a lot harder than I thought it would be. Yes, there have been lots of good things and many blessings but it's been hard for me nonetheless. I've just gone through the stuff of being homesick and feeling down and depressed at times. ( I am encouraged though because I have heard that this is normal for females with such a major move and life change). And I have not gone so far down in the dumps that I've given up and succumb to staying in bed all day, there have just been days of feeling really low and crying, but I'm not always sure why. I still want to be present and a good mommy to my boys and a good wife to my husband. But it's been a struggle because I've been so down. It's just hard feeling so many hard things, like constantly pouring out to my family all day, and not feeling well emotionally or spiritually. But God is working in my heart and answering my prayers, so I'm definitely in a better place than I was a month ago. (rabbit trail: My grandma died at the end of May and I was able to fly out to California for 4 days with Elijah. To be with my entire family!(I had not seen my younger brother in 2 years, and my older sister in 9 months). It was amazing seeing God's timing of it all and working out all the details. So that sure helped with homesickness for family and the mainland, and it made coming back to the island much easier.) So where I'm at now is I am seeing more of my desperate need for God's strength and filling me every day. Realizing how much more I need to pray and look to him for all things. Really seeing my weakness and how much I need him to work in my heart.
God is good. Good in that he lets us go through hard things but he is there to see us through and to bring hope and comfort. ( I can't help it, I have to end on a positive note:)