Our Decision

A c-section is not any safer than a VBAC, nor is it less risky. The risk of rupturing is less than 1%, but, in our situation it has come that walking down the road towards a c-section is what we have the most peace about. And that's what is the most important. Not what is the safest or less risky but what is God giving us peace about. I can't even believe I'm writing this, but this is what I've realized this week.

I really was wanting a home birth, but the biggest matter was that my husband and I would be united about whatever decision we would make. And that we would have peace as well as unity. For the past two weeks I have ceased searching everyday like I had been for a Dr. and have just been fervently praying for God to speak to both Ryan and I and especially Ryan, that God would give him peace about what we should do. I really needed God to make it clear to Ryan, because I couldn't say that I could hear clearly from God, because my desire was/is so great to have a natural birth, even if it meant at home, that if it were up to me alone I would chose home birth. But, I knew that if it was the Lord's will he would give Ryan peace about it. I was hoping so badly that the answer would be home birth. But, we have finally decided to pursue the c-section, because of the lack of peace about having a home birth (and i hadn't found a dr. who would let me do a trial of labor). Since I have been praying so hard, and I knew that others have been praying as well, I really feel like God not giving him peace is the answer. The greatest piece of advice that I have recieved during this whole process has been to listen to my husband. I honestly can't say I could hear God telling me exactly what we should do, my desire for a natural birth is so strong there is no way I'd choose a c-section on my own. But because of all the prayer, and my husband still not feeling peace about home birth, I am willing to lay that down and follow my husband and agree that we should do a c-section. This is very hard for me, and I've cried so much over this...but I am learning to trust the Lord more and trust my husband. I believe something could still happen, but we will see. It's hard to think that I might never have a natural birth. It makes me feel defeated...it's hard to describe. I know that I need to be grateful for what I do have...that I can even have children at all...anyways, the Lord is good and soveriegn and things are as he sees them fit to be...I'm continuing to learn to trust and have faith ( I hope this post makes sense for the most part, it's late and I need to get to sleep!) Thank you so much to those who have been praying and encouraging me and who've offered bits of help. Thanks.