Highlights of Snow and Christmas

It's Snowing!



"And the Angel said to them..."



Saying verse on Christmas morning





Enjoying a Christmas Cookie

Reaching Out

I went over to our neighbor girl's house on Monday and met their dad. I invited the girls over and their parents too, especially since they don't know us. I was glad to meet their dad, but i don't know if they will come, but I am going to plan as if they will. I was a little nervous but I know the Lord was leading me to invite them over. The girls seemed excited about it, so we will see:)

Miscellaneous

I am feeling a bit better today. I had a cold last week that just had me run down. I am on the tail end of it now. I have spent the morning cleaning, and there is always still more to do! But I'm taking a little break to rest a bit.

My boys are at such a wonderful age. They are great playmates and friends. I am really enjoying how they can play together, especially with their imaginations coming alive! Their latest interest is firefighters and engines. Of course I've checked out books on the subject from the library and we've watched some educational videos on it as well. So that has been their latest game. They carry our belts around as "fire hoses" and Elijah is always trying to climb things, "ladders" he says. They love imitating dad too and really like hammering things with their wooden toy hammers. Ryan built them just a small little work table that they can hammer on. We still have a pumpkin leftover from October that the boys like sit on by the work table. It's cute:)

I'm excited for Christmas, and I have been since the beginning of October. However, now that we are in the month of December, I'm feeling less motivated to get done all the things I'd like to. So instead of making a to do list, I have made a list entitled, "things I hope to do." One idea that I really hope happens is reaching out to some neighbor girls that live around the corner. We used to see them alot when the weather was warmer and we went for walks more often. They are 7,9, and 11, and so sweet. I'm hoping to invite them over to decorate cookies and do a craft and read the Christmas story. Anyways, I am going to go over to their house this afternoon hopefully and talk to their parents. We will see. We've really been challenged lately to reach out to our neighbors. Why is that so difficult? Anyways, I need to get going now. I hear a boy crying...
Merry Christmas!

Here are just a few photos of fun with boxes:) oh and my little drummer boy. Elijah has drumming in his blood. He drums on everything.
Special Delivery!

He usually just uses his hands, but occasionally he gets the tinker sticks out and drums with them too.
Playtime with Dad!!!

Get 75 Prints Free

I don't know how long this special is going on, but if you like ordering prints online check out this link. For new customers at Kodak, you will receive 75 prints for free. You just have to pay shipping, which is like $4 something. We just ordered our Christmas pictures there, plus a bunch extra of family photos, what a deal!

There are Days...

There are days when I feel so overwhelmed as a mom. I always feel like there is more I should be doing, and that I need to be doing more for my boys. And then I just shake my head in wonder at times when I think of having a 3rd! How can I do this? Well, of course I can't, I need the Lord! I am so thankful that I am God's child, I don't know how I would live this life on my own. Some people say that Christianity is a crutch and they don't need God. Well I for one am not ashamed to say that I need God, I need his grace and his forgiveness everyday. I am thankful for Jesus and that he paid the price for my sin. My never ending prayer is that my boys would see the Lord for who he really is despite how often I sin. If there is anything that I do well as a mom, I hope that that I would always be quick to repent to my children when I sin against them. And my hope is in God all the more that it is he that saves and brings salvation. We can do our best as parents but it is God ultimately that does the work in our children's hearts. I believe that we have responsibilities to raise our children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord(Eph. 6:4), but when I see how much of a sinner I am, I am just thankful to God that it is he that saves. So, I will just persevere in prayer and wait expectantly for the day of their salvation.

It's funny...I just realized that I started off this post feeling overwhelmed at the weight of raising my boys and feeling inadaquate, and now I feel like my eyes are back on the Lord. He gives strength to the weary and give us no more than what we can handle. And when it seems overwhelming he makes me see how much I need him still and that it is he that does the work. So, I might cry out for help multiple times throughout the day, but it's okay because I am looking to the Lord for help and guidance. He is always faithful and will give me strength and see me through. And this time when my boys are 2 and 3 will pass so quickly and before I know it they will be older, and I'll be old...............
well, I need to go and enjoy them right now!

Maybe there is still Hope

I had my first visit at the midwifery clinic at the hospital we're going to attend. I was encouraged because she told me that it's not their hospital policy to do a c-section after 2, and they have had other successful vbacs after two. So, it's not a closed case, this was just this dr.'s recommendation for me. So, the midwife i met with today said she will arrange to have the Dr. meet with me at my next appointment next month and we can talk about it again. I don't know that he will agree to letting me try for a vbac, but the midwife was at least more positive than negative about it. We will see. I am a bit frustrated for not meeting face to face with this doctor a month ago when I first had the opportunity. They told me not to come in though because I was undecided about where I was going to recieve care, ugh. I should have insisted on coming in anyways...oh well. we can't change the past...

So, on my home today I stopped at Taco Bell. I never get the boys and I fast food on my own. It's usually a family thing we do on weekends or trips, and then we try to stay away from there and eat Baja Fresh. But anyways, after much debate I just decided to go and get a couple of tacos for Moses and me. I promised him a treat because he was so good at the dr. office and when I asked him what he would like for a treat, he said, "tacos!" So there we were in the parking lot eating when my dear friend who I have not seen in like 3 years pulled up. It was so cool! God definitaly arranged that. It was great to see her, and hopefully we'll be able to get together one day, either this year or next!

Our Decision

A c-section is not any safer than a VBAC, nor is it less risky. The risk of rupturing is less than 1%, but, in our situation it has come that walking down the road towards a c-section is what we have the most peace about. And that's what is the most important. Not what is the safest or less risky but what is God giving us peace about. I can't even believe I'm writing this, but this is what I've realized this week.

I really was wanting a home birth, but the biggest matter was that my husband and I would be united about whatever decision we would make. And that we would have peace as well as unity. For the past two weeks I have ceased searching everyday like I had been for a Dr. and have just been fervently praying for God to speak to both Ryan and I and especially Ryan, that God would give him peace about what we should do. I really needed God to make it clear to Ryan, because I couldn't say that I could hear clearly from God, because my desire was/is so great to have a natural birth, even if it meant at home, that if it were up to me alone I would chose home birth. But, I knew that if it was the Lord's will he would give Ryan peace about it. I was hoping so badly that the answer would be home birth. But, we have finally decided to pursue the c-section, because of the lack of peace about having a home birth (and i hadn't found a dr. who would let me do a trial of labor). Since I have been praying so hard, and I knew that others have been praying as well, I really feel like God not giving him peace is the answer. The greatest piece of advice that I have recieved during this whole process has been to listen to my husband. I honestly can't say I could hear God telling me exactly what we should do, my desire for a natural birth is so strong there is no way I'd choose a c-section on my own. But because of all the prayer, and my husband still not feeling peace about home birth, I am willing to lay that down and follow my husband and agree that we should do a c-section. This is very hard for me, and I've cried so much over this...but I am learning to trust the Lord more and trust my husband. I believe something could still happen, but we will see. It's hard to think that I might never have a natural birth. It makes me feel defeated...it's hard to describe. I know that I need to be grateful for what I do have...that I can even have children at all...anyways, the Lord is good and soveriegn and things are as he sees them fit to be...I'm continuing to learn to trust and have faith ( I hope this post makes sense for the most part, it's late and I need to get to sleep!) Thank you so much to those who have been praying and encouraging me and who've offered bits of help. Thanks.