37 Weeks

Yesterday, I had what should be my last ultrasound this pregnancy. I think I had 4 all together. They have been keeping watch on one of Abraham's kidneys. One has been retaining fluid and it has not been too much, but just enough for them to want to keep an eye on it. Well, yesterday they said it had more fluid in it than the last time, which is just beyond the level which they want to see it at. Anyways, I don't understand all the technical terms, but basically what could be wrong is there could be a narrowing in the tube, or whatever it is that comes out of the kidney to be causing a buildup of fluid. So, what they are doing is referring us to a kidney surgeon specialist and we are planning to meet with him next week. He will hopefully be able to tell us more...They will want to to do an ultrasound on Abraham a few days after he is born and some blood work. And the worse thing would be that he would need surgery to fix the problem...however, I forgot to ask how soon he would need it...anyways, we're just praying for healing. The Lord is sovereign and in control of this...there is nothing we can do but trust and pray. Please join us in prayer for him.

I am 37 weeks now and feeling oh so ready to have this baby out! :) Again, God's in control and we're waiting for his timing...but it's getting harder every day! --sigh-- I am just a bit achy at night I wake several times to go to the bathroom or to just change position. Like a race the last stretch is the hardest. I need endurance for the end.

Childlike Faith

The boys are growing and changing and learning so much. It amazes me to think Moses will be 4 in the fall...time flies...i will never cease to be amazed by how quickly the days go by...I am continually learning and being challenged as a mom. Ryan and I both are challenged, and daily feel the ever need for the Lord's strength and grace. But He is SO good and his grace abundant! With that said, I wanted to share what happened earlier this week. The boys have been memorizing John 3:16 and this past Monday I started our morning Bible time off with them saying the verse. Then Moses asked me shortly after where God is. I did my best to explain, and then he said that he wanted God in his heart. Talk about being caught off guard! We pray for their salvation all the time, but I never expected him to earnestly desire it now. But why not? We talk literally every day with our boys about sin and our need for Jesus, so they've been exposed to the gospel quite a bit...but it still surprised me. For a moment I wasn't sure if this was "real," but the gospel is simple and he really gets it. So I shared with him again what that meant and told him how he could have God in his heart and what that would mean. I didn't want to just have him repeat a prayer but encouraged him to pray on his own. And in his precious almost 3 1/2 year old child like faith, he scrunched up his face with his eyes shut tight and said, "oh Jesus, please forgive my sin and come into my heart. Make me your child. Amen!" I can't remember if he said more than that, but that is what I remember. It just blessed my soul and I wished that Ryan could have been there, but he was at work, so we called daddy right away to tell him the news! Oh yeah, so after he prayed, I gave him this big hug and told him how I was so happy, and immediately he got really concerned and said, "mom, don't smash God! He's in my heart!" oh the laughter...

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. " 3 John 1:4

There are Days...

There are days when I feel so overwhelmed as a mom. I always feel like there is more I should be doing, and that I need to be doing more for my boys. And then I just shake my head in wonder at times when I think of having a 3rd! How can I do this? Well, of course I can't, I need the Lord! I am so thankful that I am God's child, I don't know how I would live this life on my own. Some people say that Christianity is a crutch and they don't need God. Well I for one am not ashamed to say that I need God, I need his grace and his forgiveness everyday. I am thankful for Jesus and that he paid the price for my sin. My never ending prayer is that my boys would see the Lord for who he really is despite how often I sin. If there is anything that I do well as a mom, I hope that that I would always be quick to repent to my children when I sin against them. And my hope is in God all the more that it is he that saves and brings salvation. We can do our best as parents but it is God ultimately that does the work in our children's hearts. I believe that we have responsibilities to raise our children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord(Eph. 6:4), but when I see how much of a sinner I am, I am just thankful to God that it is he that saves. So, I will just persevere in prayer and wait expectantly for the day of their salvation.

It's funny...I just realized that I started off this post feeling overwhelmed at the weight of raising my boys and feeling inadaquate, and now I feel like my eyes are back on the Lord. He gives strength to the weary and give us no more than what we can handle. And when it seems overwhelming he makes me see how much I need him still and that it is he that does the work. So, I might cry out for help multiple times throughout the day, but it's okay because I am looking to the Lord for help and guidance. He is always faithful and will give me strength and see me through. And this time when my boys are 2 and 3 will pass so quickly and before I know it they will be older, and I'll be old...............
well, I need to go and enjoy them right now!

Our Decision

A c-section is not any safer than a VBAC, nor is it less risky. The risk of rupturing is less than 1%, but, in our situation it has come that walking down the road towards a c-section is what we have the most peace about. And that's what is the most important. Not what is the safest or less risky but what is God giving us peace about. I can't even believe I'm writing this, but this is what I've realized this week.

I really was wanting a home birth, but the biggest matter was that my husband and I would be united about whatever decision we would make. And that we would have peace as well as unity. For the past two weeks I have ceased searching everyday like I had been for a Dr. and have just been fervently praying for God to speak to both Ryan and I and especially Ryan, that God would give him peace about what we should do. I really needed God to make it clear to Ryan, because I couldn't say that I could hear clearly from God, because my desire was/is so great to have a natural birth, even if it meant at home, that if it were up to me alone I would chose home birth. But, I knew that if it was the Lord's will he would give Ryan peace about it. I was hoping so badly that the answer would be home birth. But, we have finally decided to pursue the c-section, because of the lack of peace about having a home birth (and i hadn't found a dr. who would let me do a trial of labor). Since I have been praying so hard, and I knew that others have been praying as well, I really feel like God not giving him peace is the answer. The greatest piece of advice that I have recieved during this whole process has been to listen to my husband. I honestly can't say I could hear God telling me exactly what we should do, my desire for a natural birth is so strong there is no way I'd choose a c-section on my own. But because of all the prayer, and my husband still not feeling peace about home birth, I am willing to lay that down and follow my husband and agree that we should do a c-section. This is very hard for me, and I've cried so much over this...but I am learning to trust the Lord more and trust my husband. I believe something could still happen, but we will see. It's hard to think that I might never have a natural birth. It makes me feel defeated...it's hard to describe. I know that I need to be grateful for what I do have...that I can even have children at all...anyways, the Lord is good and soveriegn and things are as he sees them fit to be...I'm continuing to learn to trust and have faith ( I hope this post makes sense for the most part, it's late and I need to get to sleep!) Thank you so much to those who have been praying and encouraging me and who've offered bits of help. Thanks.

Teach them to Pray

We finally got a couch!  It's been such a blessing.  We have had one small recliner and a wooden rocking chair in our living room, and that's been great, but there is just something about a couch. With my growing tummy, the boys and I were beginning to get squished on our recliner during story time.  So, when we would sit for our morning bible reading, I would be reminded of how much I wanted a couch.  Well, i would talk to the boys about it and tell them how we needed to pray and ask God for a couch.  I don't know how long we've been praying, inconsistently since we moved back, but more regularly for the last month or so.  As far as prayer is concerned we've been trying our best to model how important it is to seek the Lord in everything and for all our needs.  It's been a blessing to see the fruit of that.  Well, Elijah is my 2 year old and the Lord did provide a couch for us.  A decently priced nice used couch which the owner graciously delivered to our house late one evening after the boys had already gone to sleep.   In the morning Elijah woke up and after greeting us in our room, he went to the living room and was so surprised to see the couch, he yelled(and this we heard lying in our bed still), "A couch!!  Elijah prayed!"  It was so sweet to hear him recognize that God answered his prayer.  He can running back into our room so excited,"Elijah prayed!  A couch!"  It's been such a blessing watching the Lord work in our boys hearts concerning prayer. 

Where Two or More are Gathered

God has really been working in my heart lately and I've been reminded again this week about the spiritual batter that we're in. The battle is real and I've been re-awakened to the need to be in prayer way more than I have been, and not just praying on my own but with other Christians. There is power in the name of Jesus, and when two or more come together to wage war, though we cannot see what is happening in the spiritual world, God hears and answers. There is so much power in prayer, I just want to encourage whoever reads this to have faith in God and believe in him to fight for you! Call upon his name and he will answer you. Sometimes we aren't strong enough to fight, or to pray for ourselves and we need to seek another out to pray for us or with us. I have been so encouraged when I am prayed for and when I pray with another believer. I just started meeting with 2 other friends for prayer and it's so encouraging and uplifting. God wants us to come together to seek him, we cannot do anything apart from him. It is wonderful and a must to have quiet time along with God, but it's so sweet to pray together with other believers. If you don't have someone to pray with, I would encourage you to pray and ask God for someone to pray with and he'll provide.