Every Labor and Birth is Different...good to keep in mind

So....I was having contractions for two days straight and then things just tapered off early this morning. My body is getting ready for labor, but it's just not time yet. I read this today about pre labor and this makes sense for what has been happening. However, it's just hard waiting for the real thing! At least I have two distractions named Moses and Elijah to keep me busy, that and I've been cleaning and organizing and so I feel ready in that respect for baby to come. Ryan stayed home from work yesterday because we thought for sure something was going to happen. Although no baby came, it turned into a wonderful family day that was much needed for all of us. It was a blessing to just relax and be together. Also, I slept wondrefully last night, better than I have in a few weeks, and I got a great nap today too. So I feel quite rested, any time today would be great;) All in all, I know the Lord has his perfect timing, so I am continually remembering that and resting in his soveriegnty. It's amazing how thinking of being pregnant another week seems overwhelming! The end is so near, I just wish I knew when it will be.

37 Weeks

Yesterday, I had what should be my last ultrasound this pregnancy. I think I had 4 all together. They have been keeping watch on one of Abraham's kidneys. One has been retaining fluid and it has not been too much, but just enough for them to want to keep an eye on it. Well, yesterday they said it had more fluid in it than the last time, which is just beyond the level which they want to see it at. Anyways, I don't understand all the technical terms, but basically what could be wrong is there could be a narrowing in the tube, or whatever it is that comes out of the kidney to be causing a buildup of fluid. So, what they are doing is referring us to a kidney surgeon specialist and we are planning to meet with him next week. He will hopefully be able to tell us more...They will want to to do an ultrasound on Abraham a few days after he is born and some blood work. And the worse thing would be that he would need surgery to fix the problem...however, I forgot to ask how soon he would need it...anyways, we're just praying for healing. The Lord is sovereign and in control of this...there is nothing we can do but trust and pray. Please join us in prayer for him.

I am 37 weeks now and feeling oh so ready to have this baby out! :) Again, God's in control and we're waiting for his timing...but it's getting harder every day! --sigh-- I am just a bit achy at night I wake several times to go to the bathroom or to just change position. Like a race the last stretch is the hardest. I need endurance for the end.

Pregnancy Update

Once you reach the last month of pregnancy it feels like you've been pregnant forever! Well, not really, but I have a hard time remembering what is was like to not be pregnant. This pregnancy has actually gone by really fast compared to my first two. The last month just seems long because I want my baby to come! I look forward to the end and holding my new little one. It still seems unreal most of the time even though I feel him move every day. It will be weird to have a baby again. You forget so quickly about all the baby stuff and we have 2 little boys now. Elijah is almost potty trained and Moses is just about 3 1/2! My babies are little boys! It's crazy how fast they grow. I am looking forward to having Abraham--did I announce his name yet? I don't remember...our third son's name is Abraham James. I am looking forward to him joining our family. I think I'm really looking forward to seeing the boys interact with him. Moses is always telling me what is going to tell him when he is born and all the things he wants to do with him. Elijah is a bit less interested. He is still my baby in lots of ways, so it will be interesting to see how he adjusts to him. i know that they boys, Elijah especially will need lots of attention as well. Hopefully there won't be any jealousy.
So, yeah, I am 36 weeks and feeling ready! I hope that he comes early...but of course the Lord knows his perfect timing for him. I am just thankful that we have the opportunity to try for a natural birth. So, though I know it will be hard I am looking forward to labor. I have been taking an herbal supplement, Dr. Christopher's Pre-natals, in addition to my regular vitamins. These herbs are formulated to help give elasticity to the pelvic and vaginal area and strengthen the reproductive organs for an easier delivery. My doula who is a practicing midwife reccamended them as well as several friends I know. I have also been drinking red raspberry leaf tea, which also strenthens the uterus and pelvic muscles and helps those be more efficient during labor. I am not sleeping well at night lately. But I suppose it's just preparation for what is ahead! I have been waking every 1-2 hours because I'm either uncomfortable or i have to go to the bathroom. I nap just about everyday, which could contribute to not sleeping very well. It's a hard thing to know what to do, because if I skip the nap, then by dinner I'm a grouch mamma that wants to go to be as soon as I can! So, if I nap when my boys do I can get through the day much better. I probably need to exercise more.
Yes, I have a midwife for my doula. A wonderufl christian lady. She came to our house for dinner this past week and met Ryan and we got to talk through everything. The hope is that she can come to our house when I'm pretty sure labor is going and she can monitor the baby with her doplar, which would enable us to stay home for awhile longer. Then she'll come with us to the hospital when we're ready to go.

Alright, well I need to get to bed.


Here are a few pictures of my boys

Today is Friday

I know I'm his mom, but are these not the sweetest pictures? He is so excited about his new baby brother!

I hope to get a full shot of me soon. For now all you can see is the belly:)


So, a great investment I finally learned now that I'm on my third baby and almost done is a body pillow. I can't believe I did not get a body pillow sooner! I just bought one yesterday and it made such a difference in how I slept last night, it was wonderful!!! I am so glad to have one.

Well, I have exciting news! We finally met with a Dr. at Legacy Emmanual Hospital and they are willing to support me and let me try for a VBAC at their hospital. They still reccamended that I have a repeat c-section, but he said that if this is what I really wanted then they would support me and let me deliver there! No other hospital that I looked into would do that! It's been such a journey of faith with many emotions. This past month especially God's really been ministering to my heart and I've just had complete peace about this birth. A verse that has been an encouragement to me is Nehemiah 2:8b, "...And the king granted me what I asked, for the good hand of my God was upon me." Now I know the context and the story of Nehemiah is completely different from my situation, but when I was reading this passage, and got to that verse, it just hit my heart. I felt God whisper to me that his hand is upon me. I couldn't say that I had complete confidance that I would be able to try for a vbac at the hospital, but I just felt the Lord's peace wash over me and have been resting in knowing that he is soverign and clinging to hope that it just might go well for me. Anyways, I am so overjoyed and thankful to at least have another chance at giving birth the way God designed it. I can only imagine what it will be like if all goes well and I am able to hold my baby as soon as he is born. It's amazing to me how God desinged a woman to have all these instincts and desires to have a baby and nurture life and birth children! Truly incredible...
So, I'm due about the 3rd week of March. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as we prepare for this birth. Thanks! I have been in touch with a great midwife here and my hope is that as soon as labor gets going, she can come and be with me at our home. That way she can listen to the baby's heartbeat which will enable us to stay home a little longer and then she'll come and be with us at the hospital as my doula and support for Ryan and I. She is a wonderful christian lady and it would be a blessing if it works out that she could come.

In other news I think Moses might be allergic to peanut butter. He has had this small rash on the back of his right leg since the end of November. It never got worse or spread or anthing, it was just there. We tried a few different creams but nothing happened. After talking with several different people I got the idea from one lady that it could be related to a food allergy and the first thing I thought of was peanut butter. I definately feed it to my kids pretty regularly, so I cut it out of his diet right away, and after a week or so, the rash was completely gone. I also was putting lansinoh on it because it was so dry. Well, probably two weeks later, I gave him a small half of a peanut butter sandwhich and overnight the rash flared up all red again. Hmmm....so, no more peanut butter this week, and the rash is almost completely gone again. I realize the only way to know for sure is to have him tested, but for now I will just not feed him peanuts of any form. It's interesting as I did a little reading on peanut allergy to learn that reactions can vary from a small rash on various parts of the body to really bad life threatening stuff. I am glad he didn't have any bad reactions.

My boys snuggling on the couch:)

Maybe there is still Hope

I had my first visit at the midwifery clinic at the hospital we're going to attend. I was encouraged because she told me that it's not their hospital policy to do a c-section after 2, and they have had other successful vbacs after two. So, it's not a closed case, this was just this dr.'s recommendation for me. So, the midwife i met with today said she will arrange to have the Dr. meet with me at my next appointment next month and we can talk about it again. I don't know that he will agree to letting me try for a vbac, but the midwife was at least more positive than negative about it. We will see. I am a bit frustrated for not meeting face to face with this doctor a month ago when I first had the opportunity. They told me not to come in though because I was undecided about where I was going to recieve care, ugh. I should have insisted on coming in anyways...oh well. we can't change the past...

So, on my home today I stopped at Taco Bell. I never get the boys and I fast food on my own. It's usually a family thing we do on weekends or trips, and then we try to stay away from there and eat Baja Fresh. But anyways, after much debate I just decided to go and get a couple of tacos for Moses and me. I promised him a treat because he was so good at the dr. office and when I asked him what he would like for a treat, he said, "tacos!" So there we were in the parking lot eating when my dear friend who I have not seen in like 3 years pulled up. It was so cool! God definitaly arranged that. It was great to see her, and hopefully we'll be able to get together one day, either this year or next!

Our Decision

A c-section is not any safer than a VBAC, nor is it less risky. The risk of rupturing is less than 1%, but, in our situation it has come that walking down the road towards a c-section is what we have the most peace about. And that's what is the most important. Not what is the safest or less risky but what is God giving us peace about. I can't even believe I'm writing this, but this is what I've realized this week.

I really was wanting a home birth, but the biggest matter was that my husband and I would be united about whatever decision we would make. And that we would have peace as well as unity. For the past two weeks I have ceased searching everyday like I had been for a Dr. and have just been fervently praying for God to speak to both Ryan and I and especially Ryan, that God would give him peace about what we should do. I really needed God to make it clear to Ryan, because I couldn't say that I could hear clearly from God, because my desire was/is so great to have a natural birth, even if it meant at home, that if it were up to me alone I would chose home birth. But, I knew that if it was the Lord's will he would give Ryan peace about it. I was hoping so badly that the answer would be home birth. But, we have finally decided to pursue the c-section, because of the lack of peace about having a home birth (and i hadn't found a dr. who would let me do a trial of labor). Since I have been praying so hard, and I knew that others have been praying as well, I really feel like God not giving him peace is the answer. The greatest piece of advice that I have recieved during this whole process has been to listen to my husband. I honestly can't say I could hear God telling me exactly what we should do, my desire for a natural birth is so strong there is no way I'd choose a c-section on my own. But because of all the prayer, and my husband still not feeling peace about home birth, I am willing to lay that down and follow my husband and agree that we should do a c-section. This is very hard for me, and I've cried so much over this...but I am learning to trust the Lord more and trust my husband. I believe something could still happen, but we will see. It's hard to think that I might never have a natural birth. It makes me feel defeated...it's hard to describe. I know that I need to be grateful for what I do have...that I can even have children at all...anyways, the Lord is good and soveriegn and things are as he sees them fit to be...I'm continuing to learn to trust and have faith ( I hope this post makes sense for the most part, it's late and I need to get to sleep!) Thank you so much to those who have been praying and encouraging me and who've offered bits of help. Thanks.

Response to "My Brain"

Well, at least when you're pregnant you have an excuse for weird things that you do, or don't do. When you're not pregnant...I don't know. I do stuff like that too when I'm not pregnant, I've just never forgotten a stamp or put a tomato in the cupboard, so I lean on the fact that I'm pregnant. :)

My Brain

I have a couple of funny stories to tell and I think the credit is due to the fact that I'm pregnant. Okay, I was making a salad one night last week. A simple salad of lettuce, tomato and a carrot. I got through the whole salad and was about to add the tomato when I realized I couldn't find it. I knew I took it out of the fridge and washed it. Where did it go? I was slightly in a hurry, I was trying to finish this task before Ryan got home from work. I had two hungry youngsters in the background, as well as dinner on the stove that I was attending. Where was that tomato! I looked all over the kitchen twice, even back in the fridge, moving things, looking under things...I just couldn't find it, and I was feeling frazzled. I know I had it just a minute ago! Okay, so finally I prayed, we're to pray about everything yes, so I asked the Lord to help me find my tomato. Well I decided do something else instead and hope the tomato would show itself, and I opened the cupboard that I keep our plates and bowls in and there sat my tomato in line with the bowls! I burst out laughing, for certain I had placed it there but had no memory of doing so. I must be pregnant, yes, why else would I place a tomato in the cupboard!
Story #2 happened today. Ryan asked me to mail a bill for him today. Well, not wanting to forget I did it right away and made the trip out the mail box with the boys. Later tonight when we were all sitting on the couch together I asked Ryan if he got the mail when he came home. He had a funny look on his face and then like all of a sudden remembered something he said, oh yeah, something for you, it's in my lunch box. So I went to find his lunch box curious what I had received in the mail, and behold, it was the bill I'd sent, or thought I'd sent earlier! What is this? oh, I burst out laughing again. I had forgotten to put a stamp on the envelope! Never in all my mail sending years have I ever done that! I got a good laugh and so did my husband!

Learning to Trust and Not Worry

We still don't know what the Lord has for us as far as this next birth goes, but today I really felt overwhelmed with his peace. I know the Lord has his reasons for taking us through this process of decision making, and one thing I'm learning is to trust the Lord and trust my husband. I know that the Lord will answer our prayers, in one way or another, and he will bring his will about. I feel so exhausted with searching for a Dr. though, that I'm taking a break. God will show us what to do, and it's going to happen even if I'm not searching everyday. We had an encouraging time at church yesterday, just with conversations with different people about this and being prayed for. It was a blessing.

As far as birthing centers here: by law they are not allowed to do a vbac after 2 or more c-sections. They do vbacs but it has to be at your house. I feel like we're at a fork in the road and our options are c-section or home birth. We're still considering a home birth, perhaps not at our home, but maybe at another home closer to the hospital. The biggest thing is that God would bring us peace no matter what we decide. We know of a couple of really godly midwives, so that is a blessing. I feel so hopeful that our next birth could go well, but there is always the unknown that makes one a little nervous. We are praying for the Lord's peace ultimately for what we should do, uless we do find a dr. that will support a vbac2 at a hospital. It will have been 2 1/2 years since my last c-section and the rate for rupturing is less than 1 %. I'm hopeful...we will see...thanks for your prayers.

Another Dead End

I had another consultation with a dr. today. I was misinformed over the phone when the lady I talked to told me that they would do a vbac2. But when I went there she told me hospital policy, 2 c-sections and no previous vaginal birth, automatic c-section. The search for a vbac after 2 cesareans at a hospital has been very difficult. I have had no success yet. Ultimately we're praying for the Lord to speak to us about his will for us. Please pray that God would show us his will and give us peace. It has been quite emotional and discouraging.

Surprise!

It's a Boy | It's a Girl | I'm Expecting Graphics

We just found out today that we are having another boy! I just wanted to share the news:) We are very excited, though so surprised! I had the strongest feeling I've ever had about my baby's gender and I was convinced it was a girl. This pregnancy has even been a little differnt too. Well, the Lord knows best! We are thinking boy names now. I can't believe I'm going to have 3 boys! I always wanted boys since I grew up with so many sisters; I thought having boys would be fun and it is fun and loaded with energy! I hope that I get a girl someday. Funny story: So, since we thought we were having a girl, we talked about it being a baby sister a bit with the boys. Well, when we saw we were having a boy, we told the boys and Moses said, "No, I want a girl! I want a baby sister." Ah so sweet. He will love his little brother just as much I'm sure, it will just take awhile for the mental adjustment to set in. I am meeting with a dr. on Thursday that I am hoping will be the answer to our hunt for a vbac2. We will see how that goes. It's been such a discouraging search, but this prospect on Thursday looks hopeful. Oh yeah, the ultrasound showed the baby to be farther along then I thought. So the expected due date is March 18th. And I'm 20 weeks.

Midwife visit

I still have not been to the doctor yet. I am supposed to have a consultation next week at a hospital here to discuss having a VBAC. We will go from there when we find out what they say. Well, I've been feeling so tired still, and in a different way from my other pregnancies. Like usually when I need to eat I get this intense feeling and I just have to eat and then I'm fine. But lately I've been feeling unwell when I need to eat, and at different times. Like light headed or something, and feeling like I need to lay down and that's all I can do. Anyways, I've been in touch with a midwife that my friend goes to and so today I went with her to her appointment. (There are two of them she sees and they are so nice. One or both might attend me as a doula if that works out for them in their schedule come due date time. They are strong believers and so sweet and sensitive to the Lord, it's been a blessing talking with them and then meeting them today). So, I saw them today and they were going to check my iron but their little machine thing broke right before we got there. But there are other signs that indicate low iron and they were confidant enough that I needed to take a suppletment. So I'm taking liquid iron and chrolophly. I hope it helps.

I also got to hear our baby's heartbeat today for the first time. There is something about hearing that sound when you can't see or feel the baby yet. I am just starting to feel a tiny bit of movement, but it's ever so subtle. So, it was neat to hear the heartbeat today.

Week 7

Why does being pregnant have to be so much of not fun stuff? I have no energy, this month I have had no motivation to go walking like I was doing. I'm happy if I just get the boys outside for a half hour to play. My desire for salads and eating healthy is about zip compared to what it used to be. I have not thrown up, but just an occasional queezy moments. Certain foods sound awful to me, and things I used to eat and love, I really can't stand right now, like avocados--weird. I made a big green salad tonight and added alot of veggies, even thought I didn't want to eat it I thought if I just made it and put it on the table and try and force myself to eat it, I'll eat it. But I just could not eat it. I managed to just eat some plain romain lettuce leaves after my dinner which was a bit encouraging. It's all I can do to try and make food for the rest of the family and force myself to eat it too. And my brain is half gone. I'm so forgetful and just can't seem to keep up with what I used to do. I feel like I'm trudging through my day. I can't wait until I get more energy sometime in the coming months. With Moses I didn't feel good until I was about 20 weeks along!! Elijah, I don't quite remember. Oh yes, my baby is about the size of a small blueberry according to babycenter.com.